The truest expression of a people is in its dance

I just remembered I was supposed to “Act accordingly to your actions”. Seriously, I needa have that determination to achieve that. Yet again, today there’s another new issue, but I am seriously too lazy to bring it up. Anyway, its useless to talk about it cos nothing’s gonna change. I reallly needa be firm with my stand! Almost everyday I see things that I really hate to see, I see things that make me feel so uncomfortable, I see things that make me feel extremely disappointed.. But who cares right? I can only stand for myself. You’re right people!

Write whatever you wanna write,

Do whatever you wanna do,

“Declare” whatever you wanna “declare”,

There’s totally no respect for me at all.

I’ve no longer know whats the real meaning of that “word” anymore. Its being shared among so many people already…

It was really a surprise to see this lovely bouquet of roses right at my doorsteps! Seriously, I dunno how to describe but I am just freaking overjoyed! :D

I cant even control my own things, I cant even control the things around me. All I can do is to watch it happen silently one by one. Like it or not, who cares?! You just gotta swallow it down your throat. All I can say is, I am about to admit defeat…

Ps: If you are smart enough, you should know some things that I said, I dun even mean it at all. I am just being way more mature in my thinking and actions. My stand has always been very firm since day 1.

Today’s service was awesome! It was a great start for the day! Went for lunch at NTU with the cg ppl.. Yea, I know.. like finally.. hahaha! The food there were relatively cheap though and the standard was good! Then headed down to Toa Payoh and I finally gotta drink my proper KOI! Wheee!! So satisfying! After that Terrence dropped me at NEX shopping mall and I headed home! And I realised, Half my day was gone! Hahaha! But I really enjoyed myself!

I sincerely appreciate what you’ve done but I dunno why I am feeling extremely guilty. It feels as though I am so demanding. Am I? 

Woke up early in the morning and saw those photos taken, I just told myself this ” you are really such a failure! You dun even have such a carefree photos taken with your loved ones.. What you have were those limited photos taken upon request.” I never know that in the process of taking a picture, it has to be so formal too. It doesnt seem so on the other side. On the other side, it gives me the feeling like “as and when you wanna take, I am ready!” I felt like a pathetic shit! It feels as though I am like some beggar pleading to take photos together. Seriously, I never felt like that in my entire life before! Never. It gives me the feeling like I am not up to your standard, does not fulfill your criterias, pictures taken were just some kind of useless thingy that waste the battery and time.

Do you even know how much I envy them whenever I see those photos? Worse thing is when I know the camera used was from your side. How sweet can that be? “Camwhore” was never found in our dictionary but can be found everywhere on the other side. I always tell myself ” Its okay, things will change for the better as the time goes” But I doubt so, whenever it comes to taking a picture, there’s a phobia in me already. Not those kind of relax feeling whereby you know you can just keep taking till you have a few nice shots kind of thing. In this case, its liked “okay! you have 3 photos taken you better better pray hard you have to look good in one of that 3 photos, else no more!” Others could have easily reached up to 15 over pictures in just 1 outing but I am like still counting and wondering if our photos have reached 15 throughout the year!

You can have many reasons to it, but it all goes down to one thing, do you have the heart to do it? Are you willing to do it? A lot of pictures taken can tell whether its a “have to” or “like to” take kind of feelings. I am always the one asking for it, yea, may sounds like some cheapo but isnt that what everybody wants when it comes to pictures taken with their loved ones?

Ps: To those “other side friends”, freaking appreciate what you have man! Not everyone has the priviledge to do it! Or rather me…

Dunno whether its something normal or its just me… I am actually quite happy that our 1 yr has reached! It may seem fast like as though it was just our 6th months or something, but when I really sit down and look backed, it was actually a long journey and was never that easy… Throughout this 1 yr, there were of cos a mixture of laughters, joy, sadness, disappointment and other different kinds of feelings, but what matter most is that we know we love each other. Like the saying goes “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella if they huddle close.” Many things changed during this 1 yr, from thoughts to appearance to character and down to many more… All for that one simple reason..

I’ve never really know how much effort I can put in until I stepped into a relationship. True enough, I was really amazed by it. Most of my friends “saluted” me when they saw how much effort I’ve put and the never ending faith/hope I given into this relationship. I’ve learned quite a lot of things from this relationship actually..

Firstly, sometimes when you apologise, it doesnt mean that you are in the wrong. It simply means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

Secondly, dun set high expectations as most of the times it will lead to disappointments. If it meets your expectations, just take it as a bonus. Speaking of that, I am quite glad that our relationship started off with “reality”. Meaning to say, there wasnt much of a “honeymoon” period whereby both parties were extremely sweet to one another or none of us went to the extend whereby the effort that we put into this relationship wasnt way much more than what we were gonna give or maintain for the next few months/years. With this, it helps to prevent any misunderstandings when one starts to put in slightly lesser effort after a few months. Its not that they’ve changed, its just that they have returned to their usual self. Oh ya! Not forgetting this, dun expect when you’ve made a huge sacrification!

Thirdly, one shouldnt really bother so much about the other party’s social life. If you realised, the more you bother, the more upset or disappointed you get once you know something that you dun really wish to know.. One has to understand that everyone has their own personal space. As long as they know their own limits and dun cross over the line, everything should be fine. But of course you know that there are some things whereby you cant control at all. Its not like you want you get it kind of thing.. You just have to silently forgive them and close an eye to forget about the matter asap. Never easy but at least you dun turn the situation awkward.

Lastly, dun assume! Should always clarify with the other party when there’s any doubts in your mind. But of course, its not that easy to accomplish. You have to find for the right time, the right mood, the right situation to pop out the questions. Till now, to be frank, there are still some doubts in me that I dun think will ever come out from me. Some doubts are better to remain just the way they are and see how things go about.

Alright! That sums up my 1st yr and I hope things will change for the better to maintain or spice up this relationship to be a much sweeter, loving and caring one! I will still continue to do the best I can but of course, both parties have to be on the same page :)

As for our 1yr anniversary dinner, we went to MBS Ku de ta sky park. The food was really awesome and the service was good! Defitnately gonna come here again!

I shouldnt act as if I have everything.. I’ve spare too much thoughts for others till it has been taken for granted. What do I gain in the end? — A reply that shoots me back -.-

Oh ya! Did I mention this? I hate my fringe now! I hate that hairstylist who made a mistake when trimming my fringe. And now its freaking short and ugly TTM! Seriously dun even wanna look into the mirror or go out already! Hate this shit!

Ps: I will wait patiently but please dun drag too long because it will simply speaks for everything..

Many a times, you dun have to speak or say, your actions can simply speak/determine most of the things. You can name all sorts of excuses but it all goes down to one thing— “Thoughts”

I dun think it was a fair level of playing field, really. Its totally not about being jealousy or bitchy at those trivial matters but, its about knowing the truth or fact where you stand. My bffs all said that I was being too nice, which resulted in me being taken for granted. Is that really the case? Most of the times, I chose to shuddup in order not the escalate the matter.

I just dun get it. Whatever you said dun tally with the things you do. I was really shocked or rather “amazed” with what you plan to do for others with those limited resources that you have, which you always mention. I really hope that I am not the one who is indirectly bringing those ”benefits” to them when I dun see myself gaining anything from it. -.-

Ps: Pls dun bring this matter up as this post is just for me to rant.. in order for me to sort out my thoughts.

I dunno if I am being selfish or what, but I seriously dun feel good whenever you bother others about your minor/major troubles. Especially to someone who is not always available for you. I mean once in awhile its perfectly fine.. But hello my dear girl?! Do you know that you seriously have a lot a lot a lot of troubles/problems??! I think its really time for you to learn how to solve it on your own and not always expecting others to give you their time to hear your minor issues! Though I am not the one, but its indirectly affecting me! What do you really want? There is no step by step method to solve all your issues, you are the one who clearly understand the situation so use that bimbotic brain of yours to solve it! Thank You Very Much! -.-

I miss hanging out till late at night, I miss reaching home around 12am or later, I miss those moments, those beautiful scenery at the esplanade, the parks and many more.. I miss all of them and I really do…

This is the first time I hate a person so much.. Can you please dun act like you are some queen and always wants to attract attention from others? You have your personal problems for goodness sake, settle it on your own! After all, you were the one who initiated it, dun act like you have suffered so much! As for your academic work, pls jolly well help yourself and stop going round asking help from others or rather, asking others to do your work! How much attention do you exactly needs? I dun blame you if you do not know the situation, but you are clearly aware of it. Cant you just be a little more “auto” in your actions? You wanna cry, you just cry, dun have to send a message to let ppl know you are crying.. I dun care how popular you are or whatsoever! Know where you stand! Dun cross the line! You have your own minor issues/problems, what about me? I have much more than you but most of the time I kept it to myself because you are so good at attracting other’s attention till most of the times I am being neglected. Dun you think you are being so selfish? And I freaking cant stand those things that you wrote! Watch out with what you are typing! Dun behave as if the world only revolves around you! Learn to respect others too. Really hope this exact same shit will happen to you when you have one! You should really have a taste of how sucky it feels! Acting just like a bitchy slut only! 

Guess rumours can also be correct at times.. So true!

All I can say is, this time, I think God is really giving me the opportunity to open my eyes big enough to know the truth.. Couldnt believe what I’ve seen! Lies..